Nighttime Nonsense

As any former babysitter torcherer and pain in the ass knows, bed time is not the golden hour of the day, assuming its only an hour. Tonight getting these kids into bed was like nothing I have ever seen and makes me deeply apologetic if my sister and I ever behaved this way to any of our babysitters. Maybe this was karma, but maybe this is just purely normal nighttime nonsense. Either way, it's not as much fun as I remember when I was a kid.
But really, who can blame any child for behaving like an utter lunatic on a night when their parents are out? You get to stay up a little later, watch a movie, read two books instead of one. It's a big night for a kid! You're excited, not tired, not trying to fall asleep at all even and ultimately just trying to get away with as much as humanly possible to add minutes to the clock of torturing the babysitter and to your day. For any kid, anywhere in the world, this former kid as well, parents night out is huge and apparently doesn't stop until you have your own place.
Tonight, we all watched a nice Disney film which I love and appreciated watching it in another language other than English. We were all laughing when people fell and their hair gets blown funny or on fire. It's cool to laugh with them in other languages. Half way through we took an intermission for toilet time only to discover that one young lad missed his cue and went in his trousers instead. Here is where the clock starts running....
After changing and getting everyone back into movie position we finished the tale which was immediately followed by insistent begging to watch another film, which of course was not in the itinerary. A film or tele or five films or a game was okay they said. Sorry guys, time for bed.
Here, I would like to say congratulations and send respect to all parents out there who try to put not just one, but three active kids down on a daily basis. It is no easy task. And to you single parents, bless you and your challenges....its really hard!!!
Maybe it's part of the "fun" when babysitters are over, but the running from room to room, jumping on the beds, blasting the scratchy damn radio, flicking the lights on and off in a two against one game of cat and mouse. Ridiculous. So after a few minutes I got smart and realized I was doing exactly what they wanted me to do. Chase them. So I stopped and just sat there. Well wouldn't you know this only causes them to step it up and move twice as fast and be twice as annoying and defiant because you're ignoring the antics...I thought they would wear themselves out eventually. Ha! Erin, you have much to learn. Once they are in that mood, there is only one thing left to do....and it's not let it continue or loose your cool. You simply fake dial and have an imaginary call with the parents. Period.
Now, I don't know if there are young parents, or parents of kids I babysit for or other babysitters reading this, but if you want to avoid getting your blood pressure up to your hairline and kids on their instant best behavior, bust out the fake dial and use the parents name in the conversation and be amazed.
Kids don't want to have a bad report. They dont want to get in trouble but kids are kids and parents know their child's behaviors. As the babysitter it's not your job to get them in trouble but you certainly dont want to get walked all over. So, when things are off the fricken richter and it's already been 25 minutes plus of no use counting to three, a fake update and household status is a great card to play. Trust me.
They hear your conversation and they want to hear it so as an indirect result they are perfectly tucked in and quieting down. You "ask" what you should do and are thrilled to know that it's okay that they each get one bed time story and that dad or mom said the next one out of bed gets no tele the next day and that they are on their way home. Brilliant. All of a sudden you have angels.
So, I gave two out of three a soothing back rub and told them a story. The pants pee-er was already falling asleep in his huggies nighttimes and the one on one time with the other two was really good. Before I was able to get back to the first one with a second story she was passed out. And after seeing she was passed out and checking on the other one who unconvincingly tried to tell me he wasn't tired behind a series of huge yawns, he was out too.
The house is quiet now. I just wrote half of this blog in the bathroom with the lights on like a creep in case I needed to be a hall monitor. There wasn't a peep.
I think some parents think that their kids aren't as wild as a babysitter could or they simply don't know what they are capable of. I think that they expect that their children will do as they are told and respect the babysitter. I think 9/10 times I am extremely fortunate with that being the case. But on nights like tonight it's hard to know where to draw the line and feel in control.
If anyone has tips or suggestions, please share. I have a few friends getting ready to have babies and I just want them to know what they have to look forward to. I am also always open for suggestions as a babysitter as well as happy to share more little gems like the fake dial.

Night all, time to call my boyyyyfriend!

The Results Are In

So here are a few of my favorites from faschnat! I have to upload the videos yet but I'm the meantime, please enjoy this sliver of creativity and unworthy photographic reflection of an otherwise magical week!!!

From mystical noble lions to sexy confident Swiss xxx tranies, to a magic mushroom that would knock the socks off Daniel Son's shower, to the kick ass dragon wagon (yes, someone actually DROVE that dragon through the streets), faschnat was epic and brilliant.

And now with the Swiss all hungover in bed, 364 days until its faschnat again.

Cheers!

Gotta Love Art

 

Photo credit: nikolaiwinter.com

St. Moritz gets the finger

Published: 09 Feb 2012 14:22 GMT+1
Updated: 09 Feb 2012 16:35 GMT+1
Online: http://www.thelocal.ch/2529/20120209/

 

For the past couple of weeks, a two-ton aluminium cast woman’s hand has been showing skiers in St. Moritz the finger.
Flown 2,300 metres above sea-level by helicopter and placed atop the mountain known as Muottas Muragi, the sculpture stands over two metres high, looking out over the impressive mountain panorama of the Upper Engadine.
In what many will consider an obscene gesture, the sculpture depicts a delicate woman’s hand with middle finger extended, pointing towards the exclusive resort of St. Moritz.
“Reactions were very mixed,” the Swiss 24-year-old artist from Basel, Nikolai Winter, told news website Spiegel Online.
Winter finds women’s hands beautiful, and has made many sculptures on the subject. He maintains that the intention behind the Engadine sculpture was not to provoke. Instead, he says his creativity was inspired by “thematic contrasts”.
“[I]n today's world, this gesture is not unusual. I just wanted to pour it into a beautiful shape,” he told Spiegel Online.

Lyssandra Sears (news@thelocal.ch)

Canons and costumes and cocktails, oh my!

It's nearly here. That one absolutely bizarre, out of control, nonsensical, randomly creative, theatrically and musically unexplainable drunken week in Switzerland. Folks, it's FASCHNAT season.

When the cannon goes off at the ripe and precious hour of 4am tomorrow morning all hell is going to break loose in this otherwise civil village of ours. The portal of fun will bestow itself upon the Swiss and before you know it, trombones by the hundreds and scary and sexy schnapps sucking socialites will be swarming the streets for seven days and seven nights. Non fricken stop.

Music that once made sense to Dr. Seuss or any 3 year old with a pot and spoon will be reproduced by a hundred marching bands in costumes that Tim Burton, Marilyn Manson and Lady Gaga could only dream of. It's a truly incredible sight that when all comes together is like wonderland on acid, only real and completely fabulous.

Now, Faschnat is not for everyone. In fact, many Ex-Pats and locals alike try to leave town during this madness. And who wouldn't blame them. Especially those who live in the center of it all. Picture trying to go to bed in the middle of a Metallica concert with your bed up on stage. Good luck.

But, being an American and an already huge fan of Halloween I have much respect and creative admiration for this festival. Halloween in the States has gotten so skanky and commercialized and lame. The Halloween I remember and love is scary and dark an grueling and chilling and fun and this undoubtedly kicks the candy and snot out of anything we could ever even imagine to be Halloween...and I fucking love it!

So, as a preview and look into the past, I went costume shopping today and came across a table of masks from last year. When they are sitting around they are creepy and weird, but but when they come to life it's unbelievable.

I imagine the next few posts are going to revolve around this insanity so I wanted to help set up the stage. If anyone ever wants to come an experience a carnival in an otherwise poise and respectful country, it would certainly be a dream, or nightmare, you won't soon forget.

Manic Monday

Kids here are on holiday. Typically I am with the kids in this house on Monday, but never all three at a time for more than an hour during lunch. Today, I walked into a full day of babysitting to a prepared coffee and this;

Yes, a rusty hammer as a "play toy" to protect himself from his brother's plastic hammer....balance was not exactly the word of the day yesterday and that coffee was no where near close to strong enough to prepare me for the day. Where do they even find these things????

Fifteen minutes down, 6hrs. 45 minutes to go. I have more photos from this manic Monday, but I wouldn't want to put these children on trial......and at the end of the day, there was no blood and everyone survived. Barely.

Happy Ending to a Bummer Bike Story

Three weeks ago, my new Vermont cronie and I were standing on the balcony getting some fresh air and escaping the unruliness that was taking place inside. We are chatting when all of a sudden you hear those four little words that you can only hope isn't the case; "my bike is gone." Shit.

 

Really? seemed to be the only stupid question that came to mind. Immediately followed by, are you sure? And that's definitely where you parked it? Ummm, REALLY helpful questions Erin. But what do you say in that first moment to someone when they realize their shit has been stolen? I mean "that sucks" or "they never find them" is kind of premature and heartless in that moment. Not to mention, way less helpful than the previous foolishness.

So yes, off she goes in search of the bike. Up and down and around the block. Up the street and over to the ever so helpful Polizei. No luck. Super bummer. And it had been a kickin' Saturday and this was supposedly a kickin' bike. Bamboo even! Bogus.

Fast forward to the next week. I'm having dinner with my girlfriend and her hubby and they tell me this amazing story about how not one, but TWO of their bikes were stolen and RECOVERED! How they got them back of course was confirmed by the officers that what they did was appropriate and legal...the police certainly don't get paid to do these things so we need to take maters into our own hands apparently...and it was foolproof. Brilliant, thanks guys!!! Way to pay it forward.

So of course I share this with my friend, the victim, and assure her that it will turn up because let's face it, how many people cruise around in Switzerland on a bike made of bamboo? Seriously. Titanium, steel maybe? Errrrr. Yeah, super safe. ;) Not to mention that if the boneheaded thief rode it around town or parked at the Bahnhof surely one of her spies would have reported back and acted on the new knowledge.

Fortunately it didn't come to that point.

Fast forward to TODAY. I'm walking home from my studio continuously staring at every bike I see as I have been for the last three weeks. Oh my gosh?! Get the hell out of here...could it possibly be?! .......it is!!! It's her bike!!! I found it!!! Unfrickenbelieveable.

Ring, Ring. Guess what I have?! It' has two wheels, bamboo and a basket. Its parked BEHIND the house you parked in front of.... (like that's a likely place to move it!) And the priceless response was: umm, can you take a picture of it?!?!

Floored by this question, and after I stole it back to safety, of course I took a picture.

The moral of the story boys and girls, is just because it's locked doesn't mean someone can't move it to the back of their building and not tell you so it doesn't get stolen. And good things happen to good girls who love their unique bike made out of soft porous lumber.

Much love to everyone who made this possible and the faith that we would recover this bike from what we knew was a really safe street.

February Fanclub

Saturday night is one we Luzern football fans won't soon forget. As the temperatures dropped from its pretty damn cold to its fucking freezing, five friends set out to foolishly find football fun on the coldest day in February.

Bundling up in long underwear, layers upon layers of socks, ski jackets, mittens, hats, shells, stockings, my sorrel boots, and beers didn't fight a standing chance against the elements of Mother Nature. She was a bitch and everyone knew it. Even the beers felt the winter wrath as they froze if not consumed quick enough. Brutal.

But! We did it! We all survived and came out frozen and alive on the other end. K and I have been talking about going to watch a soccer/football game for months and of course finally go on he coldest bloody day of the year. But I bought the tickets so something was bound to happen or go wrong, at least we got in!!

It was fun and I think we can all give ourselves a pat on the back. Only the die hard, season ticket holding super fans and us were there and we too made it through the whole game.

I just hope next time we decide to go there isn't a monsoon or tornado or heat wave going through. Although I think if I could survive willingly standing in a natural ice locker I can sweat it out in the summer.

Cheers!

The Big Tall Wall

It was an ambitious and big, cold, late night. It was shying 11pm and I needed to get to my friends place quickly as being an International New England Patriots fan demands starting the game at midnight! I wanted to watch the pre-game reports...but also there were Buffalo Wings that were calling and the minus -15 weather consuming my phone's battery life...so yeah, I was kind of huffin' it.

After stopping at the store and my failed attempt at bribing the woman (in my super German) to sell me beer for my friend after 10pm for the Superbowl, I thought not to worry you insensible little woman, I know this great little bar not too far from their place that might. Sometimes they do that here and I L-O-V-E that about Switzerland. Strike two. Sorry, Mark, I tried.

So after two bummer detours I am on my way up the hill. Now, if you don't live in Luzern you wouldn't necessarily know that the city is actually divided by a Medieval City Ramparts and Wall. It is also is filled with hundreds of stairs in every which way to get you from A-D and hills for extra fun. "Tight buns, tight buns, tight buns," sometimes helps at times in need. The Old Town is obviously within the city wall, and my friends place is just on the other side. Literally.

I have walked home from their place through the O.T. and gotten there from a different way, but never walked through the Old Town and up to it. So I'm walking, walking, walking, hit some stairs, go left, left, left, this should be right, getting close. Yeah...no. I just THE WALL with no doors to the other side. Interesting, "I don't remember meeting you here before..."

So I walk down the face for a bit.....there's gotta be a passage somewhere. Nope. Just wall and snow and paths to nowhere. Then I hit a rampart, and yes, I actually considered walking UP the tower to walk along the wall (which you can do in the safety of the daylight) but of course, it was locked.

So here I am, 11pm, freeeeezing and staring at this big old damn wall thinking, I need to get 20 yards on the other side of you. Seriously?! The idea of walking back down and ALL the way around did not seem very exciting. I didn't have the beer so I could just as easily have walked home to my cozy bed at that point and read all about the brutal 4th quarter and missed catches on espn.com just like everyone else. But then, I saw a light. It was one unlike any other that I had seen on this road block of a Sunday stroll. It was in an underpass.

SUCCESS and RELIEF!!! I made it, but not before I knocked on the downstairs neighbor's apartment first. I thawed out with some tea and wings and made it up until 4am to watch the game. On my way home I took the way I knew to avoid any snags, but had a nice little chuckle at the wall who didn't defeat me.

Here, by the way is the photo. I was just to the right of the middle Rampart. I needed to be far left. Good thing I went right otherwise I would have been back where I started but colder and beerless.


** This photo was clearly taken in the summer which would have been helpful last night but still, you get the idea.**

Cute Little Leg Nibbler

This little fella is gaining more and more recognition in Sweden for his unique natural instinct; sheep herding.

He is not trained and according to the commentary, in case you missed it, is getting more and more comfortable in front of the camera. When asked how he gets them to move I was hilariously surprised to hear that he will nibble on the sheep's ankles to get them to move, but he is pretty intimidating so I am sure it doesn't happen often.

Bless this little bunny and brightening my morning. Watching him in action is almost too much to bear. If you have questions about the commentary please refer to your local Swede for a direct translation, or just enjoy.

That's the Spirit!

I may or may not have stalked this guy for 3 or 6 blocks to get this close. Either way, love the message man, hug it out, word.

Obviously

It's a beautiful white snowy morning here in Switzerland. It's been a productive day, I am looking forward to the afternoon and evening with my girlfriends and finally feeling organized. Then, THIS happens. Enough said....